Lease

hmm feel like this most of time

We are always trying

Feeling kind of hollow today. Sometimes I feel that I'm really not good enough, I don't try hard enough. I'm still trying to decide what I want from life. How can I achieve all I want when I'm too scared to take a risk now and again? I know so many talented and wonderful people, and I'm really glad I can call them my friends, but at the same time, I feel pretty inadequate compared with pretty much everyone.

I want to take some action. Make myself happy for a while, but I'm scared everything will fall apart again. That I won't be good enough, again. I should try. But what if it all goes wrong?

actually amazing

actually amazing
Originally uploaded by kukulaka

there maybe some hope for leicester after all....

Bubbles

Bubbles
Originally uploaded by kukulaka

Bubbles is looking loads better now. He still has some fur missing near his pouches ..but it will get better. As I suspected, he is blind, but his nose helps him out loads.

Goes to show that taking in rescue animals does wonders.

I know there is an argument that keeping pets in cages is cruel, and in some respects it is, very much so. Being vegetarian, I know ALL of the arguments. In an ideal world all the little critters would be living a free, wild, life. Unfortunately for us, and them, the world is not ideal. They are born into captivity and its just luck whether it is in the pet shop, or the lab. I would much rather give a home to a rodent and make sure he is as happy as he can be in captivity. If I, and others like me didn't do this, no doubt more old men and ladies would end up frozen as snake food or used in experiments. Or just abandoned and neglected, as Bubbles nearly was. He suffered from Muscle atrophy due to his previous living conditions. Tiny cage, no exercise wheel. I suspect he was never taken out of his cage.

He is walking a bit better now. Bubbles hasn't got long left in this world now, but as much as I can, I hope I am improving his life in some small way buy letting him walk around and letting him do some instinctive things.

Things a changing

So, feeling a bit more positive today. It would appear I only feel good when I know I'm going to a gig or playing one. Had a nice little walk to the pet shop to get some hamster supplies. Saw a harvest mouse!

My best friend has managed to bag him self a great flat in near Manchester. Feel so happy for him, finally getting out and doing his own thing. I'll be disappointed if he doesn't construct some kind of wall shelving for vinyl goodness. Lucky bugger has a jacuzzi bath!

Tonight is Thou, Rot in Hell and Moloch in one of my fav gig venues. The Chameleon has such a friendly feel to the place. Will be good to catch up with Duane too, especially after everything that has went on this week.

Some recent photos

golden ghosts
Originally uploaded by kukulaka

Goden Ghost in leicester

For we are only here for a short while

Been spending too much time in hospitals recently...

You're not the only one that feels this way

Been reading a blog by a guy I know a lot today. He was writing about being on tour and having to deal with some pretty intense personal stuff.

It made me feel kind of sad, as his enjoyment of the tour was extremely dulled by the collapse of his relationship. He had an aching sense of loneliness but also the need to BE alone a lot of the time. These kind of conflicting emotions are really hard to deal with and I know excatly how he feels. The intense need of wanting to be alone, but then that other part of youself that wants to carry on trying to make relationships despite knowing that it will all end in shit. I hope everything picks up for him...



http://everythingwentblack.wordpress.com/

You, me and everyone else in the universe

I've got to thinking about relationships. There is an almost certain futility to them. They almost always end in heartbreak and pain. But we still pursue them. I wonder why this is?

Is because, like atoms, we HAVE to be around people?